A small thing that's been on my mind

Like most humans do, when we sit in front of a screen viewing anything from a movie to an anime or even just a TV show, there is always something that wakes up in us. "I wish I could live in this world" or "I wish I could have a life like that." Lately as I watch shows and view different pieces of art I feel that very thing welling up. I guess it's just hormones but recently I really do wish my life just once could turn into something beautiful. A house with a loving partner, the baby running around and a job I am proud to go to. What deity out there did I make so mad for my life to be the way it is? Struggling to pay bills, looking for my own space and a place to call my own to raise my child…instead I sit and end up sobbing at night because I can't get anywhere. I'm always the one to help others, always the one there when I'm needed and going beyond what I am called on to do but yet my life is a constant struggle to make it a real life. What am I going to do keeps echoing in my mind like a song on repeat. But no matter how many times I ask it, I end up at the same conclusion; I don't have a single clue. Yes, I am going to keep going to school in the fall at the local college but still…something just feels…empty.

Each time I look into a different, happy and content life I just feel that much worse. What should I do? Would anyone take a commission from me in writing to help earn money? I don't know…Sorry it's a sad little journal but I wanted to get this off of my chest.