Without you

Title: If Tomorrow Never Comes
Rating:

Fandom: Naruto

Pairings: ItachixOC

Genre: Slightly sad, sweet moments and such though
Wordcount: 5,842

Warnings: Mild language
Guide: ******* is time skip, Italics are someone talking
Summary: none for you

Disclaimer: I don't own ANY of the cannon characters. They belong to the great Masashi Kishimoto. Meanwhile, Roraku and Mayuri belong to Chibi-kisame and Nona, along with Fubari belong to me.

I have worked really hard on this and it has taken me forever to post this but…for some odd reason I am not too proud of this work. I guess it seems too rushed to me however the call of if it’s good or not is up to the awesome Chibi. <3

People usually cling to things that never come beyond dreams; desperation blended with hope never allowing them to ever let go of it. But what happens to those who get their dreams? Do they continue to cling to it? Or are they satisfied and simply let go to let it fall, end over end into an abyss? Honestly it depends on the person does it not? Maybe I’m just simply looking too deep into it but when it comes to getting my own dreams, I know how I handle them.

The scent of the storm slipped shyly into the comfortable living room to blend with the fragrant jasmine steam floating up from the cup held loosely in distracted fingers. Their owner had her gaze turned out the window to watch the soft spring rain fall to the earth in a calm drum on the roof. While one hand clutched at her drink, the young woman’s other was lightly resting on a swollen belly; feeling each little nudge from the being growing inside.

A smile drifted only briefly across her features before they were replaced with a frown. It was getting late, and he still wasn’t home. Damn the missions, and damn the village for always taking him from her. Three days away had turned into four, before slowly bleeding into a week with him gone. Tearing her gaze away from scenery, Roraku stared down into the swirling cup of her favorite liquid before a soft, almost inaudible sigh escaped from her. “Well Mayuri, seems like we might be working this out on our own soon.” Her voice was light, but it was clear that the mother was stressed as she pressed back on a particularly hard kick. The very thought was terrifying; Itachi was her rock, her world and the father of the child who was due within only a matter of days. How could she go about this on her own? Sure her parents and friends stopped by, always willing to help or lend a hand, but when they left she was left to feel emptier than ever. At night the bed was so large and cold she would always end up finding herself in the small nursery in the rocking chair; humming a mindless tune until she fell asleep.

Sipping at the now stone cold beverage, she pulled a face and heaved herself up from the soft armchair that threatened to eat her each time she sat down in it. Waddling to the kitchen she put the kettle on to heat as she poured the remaining tea down the drain before grabbing out the containers to make yet another cup. Flinching, she bit her lower lip as her little girl gave another cruel kick to her bladder. “Hey now, you don’t need to be acting like that to mommy.” She scolded, rubbing where the little foot was pressing out. It retreated back away as she moved to pour the hot water into her cup and let the tea steep. “That’s my girl. Keep that up and we will get along a lot better until you are out of there. I can’t help it you’re running out of room. Mommy can only get so big after all little one and you are just too much for what she has.” Taking her mug she made her way towards the chair once more to resume her post.

Before she knew it, night was creeping on and not a single sign of her husband was to be seen. Just as she was about to give up, a lantern showed up in the darkness and she sucked in a breath of nerves. As the tiny light drew ever close she suddenly let it out in a slow sigh as is simply reviled their neighbor on his way home from work. Waving to him the blonde haired girl closed the curtains for the night and managed to get to her feet to wander into the kitchen to just make a small meal for supper. Digging around in the fridge, she pulled out the left over onagri from the night before and sat down to pick and nibble at it as her fingers spun the magazine around and around on the table as she ate.
Once she was finished, she sat there a while longer, just listening to the ticking of the clock as it counted the minutes that she once again was not filling with anything productive other than worry. Biting her lower lip she looked way from the spinning book of paper and up to the sound thunder almost shaking the house. If he came home tonight, she would be amazed he wasn’t killed in the sheer force of the storm. Managing to make it to her feet she gasped as pain filled her. Clenching her eyes closed she breathed through her nose as she tried to force it away. For a while, it did subside and creep back away to hide until it wanted to stab her yet again.

A small bubble of worry filled her as she started to make her way down the hall. This pain was beginning to be too much for her. It refused to leave her be and go away and it wasn’t normal. Grabbing a coat and slipping into her shoes she made her way out of the house towards the one place she knew that someone would care about her. The rain made a grand attempt at soaking her once she was out in it, but the woman tugged her umbrella lower over her as she walked as fast as she could stand. Lights flickered and winked out at her as she passed houses and shops alike on her way towards the hospital; glittering out from the rain like beacons. They didn’t stop her to linger like she normally would to peer into the windows as if she were looking into some fairy tale that wasn’t reality. Stabbing pain wouldn’t allow that. Groaning she almost fell to her knees when the sudden sound of other footfalls filled her ears. “Roraku?” The older male’s voice reached her before he himself did. Looking up she tried to focus on the silver haired blur as he became clearer.

“Kakashi-sensei. I…” A wince and a gasp cut her off. “I…”

“How long have you been like this?” Powerful arms wrapped around her and lifted her up into them as the male set off at a quick pace.

“Not long.” It was forced out between gritted teeth.

“You’re lucky I happened by. I was heading to pick up Fubari from Kurenai’s place. You’re in labor Roraku, why did you let yourself go so long?” He gently chastised. A baleful glare was all he was given in return as the welcome relief of seeing the hospital swim into her view washed over her. Once inside, she was handed off to a pack of rather overeager nurses and a doctor. Before she could pant out thanks to him, Kakashi was gone. Yet again she found herself alone in her situation aside from those who were tending to her. When not cursing the pain and trying to keep herself focused, Roraku was in a blur of how he should have been there.  This was a special moment and she was going into it without the man who she loved.

Hours passed and finally, a small but very strong scream split the air as Mayrui greeted the world for the first time. Tears spilled from her mother’s cheeks as joy and sorrow mixed together. The little girl was beautiful and perfect; features of both parents almost already clear to the rather pale woman as she held her greatest gift to her body. “Welcome to life my little light.” She whispered, stroking a delicate cheek. “I’m happy to finally meet you properly.” A smile was graced across her face as she rested back; humming a mindless tune she was familiar with as the baby finally calmed and relaxed. Before she knew it, both were asleep in their own little cocoon of contentment.

************

The first few days were a blur to her as she was filled in on all the necessary things that she would need to know; and visits from happy friends and their loved ones. Fubari had toddled in on his own, stuffed puppy clutched in a chubby hand ahead of his father. Blinking dove grey eyes up at her he giggled and waved the little animal as he gibbered away in his own little language; a language Roraku knew Mayuri would know once she was old enough. “Kakashi-sensei I never got to thank you for your help. I know it must be hard to be here and…see this.” It broke the tense silence that had trailed in after the silver haired male. One pale hand rose up to wave away her words.

“No need to thank me. I was doing what was right, and I came because I know again it is the right thing to do. Nona would have been proud of you, we both know that. She wouldn’t want me upset seeing a new mother she would have shoved me and called me silly. Itachi and your new one are very lucky to have you.” He replied, looking at the little bundle clutched in protective arms. Talking of his late lover and mother to his one and only child still stung. They had been closer than just lovers, Nona had been his best friend and rock in life; the two having known each other since the girl had been young. But fate had seen it that their time was to be cut short as she had been taken from the world with the life of their son to take her place as he left her body.

“Itachi would be lucky if he were here.” The bitterness in the usually calm voice didn’t go unnoticed by the ex-ANBU and he took a seat as his son toddle around the room under close watch.

“You know that he is only doing what is required for him to remain here. Even after all of this time and the truth came out people don’t trust him.”

“Childish and absolutely ridiculous behavior if you ask me. He has been home two years with me and not once has he ever shown that he has thought of turning traitor on us. It’s like they purposely work him too hard just to get their petty revenge. This is where he needs to be and that damn woman knows it. When she sent him off she knew that I didn’t have long.” Anger darkened her words and caused the baby to start fussing as the young boy flinched and rushed to hide by his father’s legs. But the noise coming from the blankets couldn’t be ignored and he whined, trying to see. Lifting him, Kakashi rose and strode over to let the boy look down at the scrunched face of the infant.

“I can’t apologize for actions that I do not have a part of. They saw it fit and while I do not agree with them there is nothing that I can do to change any of it.” By now, Fubari was straining to get closer and see the baby better than what he could. Giving in, Kakashi carefully set him down on the bed to crawl over and look. A giggle escaped him and before either parent could move he kissed a plump red cheek. It was enough to cause both of them to burst into laughter as he waved the puppy at the calming bundle as if he were trying to coax her into playing with him. “It seems like she already is going to have to fend the boys off.” The joke had them laughing harder as Fubari snuggled closer to watch the little fist waving in the air.

“I never asked you to apologize. All I want is my husband back safe and where he belongs. I leave here today and I’m dreading it in a sense because I don’t have a clue what I am doing and I know that it normally takes two to do this.” Tears were welling up in her eyes.
“This isn’t going to help you at all…but it doesn’t always. Look at me, I managed to actually get this far but then again you need to be sure to always ask Kurenai, she will basically move in though if you aren’t careful. It’s what I did and even I know you are going to be better than I was so calm down.”

“You’re right.” A sigh escaped as she shifted the baby to her other arm, and Fubari whined and clamored over her to keep close. “Once again I am going to thank you for helping.” She gave him a smile and could feel herself calming down as he stood and lifted his own child.
“It’s what I’m good at. Just be sure to ask if you need me as well. But I doubt you will need any of our help once he is home. Right?” With that he was walking out, Fubari fussing and trying to climb back over his shoulder. Watching him go, Roraku looked down into the bright eyes gazing up at her.

“We can do this May, I know we can. You’re going to keep from driving Momma insane and Momma is going to be sure that this is all work.” Tickling her nose she stood and placed her in the small crib the hospital provide and turned on the mobile. Soft and sweet music drifted throughout the room as she made her way towards the window to stare out at it. Fingers trailed the glass as her gaze slowly went blank and she was no longer seeing what was in front of her. Not even her mind was focused on anything as it wandered in endless loops. Nothing was catching it and everything slipped as if smoke through fingers. She wasn’t aware the time that passed until a knock at her door had her jolting and spinning to greet the newcomer. A nurse smiled brightly at her as she walked in.

“The doctor says you are all set and ready to go home. Do you need any help with anything Ms.?”

“No, thank you however.” Giving her a forced smile and stepping away from the panes she moved into the room to take the small bag she had been brought. A few scant items were in it and what was out of it was almost as little. Packing it all up she accepted the small pumpkin seat that was offered to her from the rather bright woman in white before lifting the sleeping baby and placing it carefully into it. After all the final instructions were given and all systems were finished being checked over the nurse was gone and Roraku was lifting the bag and seat and took a deep breath. Locking her jaw and straightening her back she made her way out as well and down the long halls. Warm sunshine brushed her and held her in its grip as she made her way down the streets. Greetings were called and more than once she found herself stopped to show off Mayuri to fawning women and other shinobi.

Bearing it with a smile and trying to keep up with the small and idol chat she was slightly grateful of it but part of her resented it. All she wanted to be was left alone to try and relax and begin to start her life with her daughter. Someone above must have been listening because finally they were all gone and she could slip down the streets as fast as she could without disturbing anyone. When the familiar sign of her street had her exhaling a breath that she wasn’t aware she had been holding. Her body relaxed and her pace slowed as she found herself milling towards the rather welcoming sight of the house they had picked out. The flowers were waving to her merrily as they bobbed and dipped in the gentle breeze.
Wandering up the steps she took a deep breath and looked around. “So here we have the porch were the swing is and Momma likes to drink her tea in the evenings. Over there are the flowers that a very dear friend who Momma lost helped her plant to brighten the place when we first got it.” Before she was aware of what we were doing her feet were carrying them through the house and she was explaining things like where her favorite seat was and what room was what until they reached the well-designed nursery. “Here is your very own room. Granted as the years change I know it will but for now this works perfectly for you. Momma has spent hours in here making sure that you are going to love it.” Setting down the seat she could feel the tears building up. “That’s the crib your Daddy had made just for you with the little birds and animals, he wanted you in something to suit the beauty he said you would have. He was right…you are so beautiful.” Before she could stop them, they were silently rolling down her cheeks.

“He put the shelves for the small books up for you to read to you every night.” Sobs shook her body as she talked to the slumber infant. The floor rose to greet her it seemed like as she covered her mouth. “I miss him, I miss him so badly and you were supposed to wait so he could be there for me and here now to help with you. Itachi should have been home by now and I’m scared, so very scared but I feel like I can’t talk to anyone. They all have their own lives and I don’t want to be a burden to them. You are such a wonderful blessing and I am more than happy that I have you. But we should be a happy family, not myself alone in the world in fright.” The words were flowing out like a sudden hole punched in an over full bucket. Trembling hands tried to brush away the crystalized droplets as they worked their way to freedom.

Mayuri slept on; unaware of her mother’s anguish in her little world as her hands clenched the blanket over her and her face scrunched up. For a while the only sound was the soft sobs and ragged breathing of the blonde woman before finally they ebbed and faded. Colors of soft pinks and violet hues mingled with darker tones and a crimson streak that slashed across them pressed to the window as the darkness crept in slowly in slender tendrils from the doorway. The dark haired girl began to stir and a small wail split the air and Roraku jumped a foot in the air before gathering herself and sliding over to the seat. Reaching in she carefully lifted her baby and began to rock her as she made her way to the rocking chair to feed her. As she fed her baby, a sigh escaped her and she looked towards the ever darkening doorway half expecting the pale figure to walk in with a grin. The gentle motion combined with food soon had Mayuri calm and gurgling as she stared up at her mother.
A smile managed to break through to show to the little girl as Roraku stood to snap on the little lamp in the room. Laughing softly she gently danced around the room singing a lullaby she remembered from her own childhood. It flowed from her and filled the once sad room with love and light once more. As she let the song start to fade, part of her finally came to the conclusion that she was going to be able to do this. Drifting across her face the little smile softened her features as they gazed down on the miracle that was held in her arms.

***One Year Later***

Time had all but seemed to stop as Roraku watched her daughter toddle along on unstable legs as fast as she could to catch the older boy as he ran through the yard. Hair the color of raven’s wings, eyes a matching shade of her own and a beautiful pale complexion showed clearly who her parents were. Laughing softly, the blonde woman shook her head. “She’s going to wear herself out trying to keep up with him.”

“He knows what he is doing, the brat. He does that with all the littler kids, trying to show off.” Came the reply.

“Especially when it’s my boy.” A dark haired woman chimed in before sipping her tea. All three adults were at the park, letting their children play on the bright, breezy day.

“Either way around it, he is really trying to show off his stuff. It’s like his dad, a little over achiever.” Roraku joked, smirking at Kakashi as he mocked hurt.

“I am not an over achiever, if anything I attempt to be an under achiever. He must have gotten that from someone else.” He commented, shrugging.

“Have you ever realized,” Kurenai sighed, “that not one of us have the other person here with us? Is it just me or is this a horrible feeling when we don’t all get together and have these little outings for the kids?” The question ripped the amiable chatter to useless shreds before scattering it out among the winds. For a moment, no one wanted to answer her before Roraku took a deep breath and answered her.

“It is a rather depressive feeling, and painful as well. However I feel safe in assuming that all of us have learned to cope with it. Dwelling on what could have been or what could be different if they were here. For the first month I kept a constant watch over my shoulder and on the door just hoping that he would walk back into it, but after a while I realized how bad it was affecting me and Mayuri as well. Swallowing my pain and my hurt I kept on, and had amazing help in both of you.” She trailed off and swallowed before shrugging. “I know that no matter what we are going to be able to keep pushing forward for them.”

“Well said.” Patting her shoulder, Kakashi waved to his son as the young boy hung upside down from a monkey bar. “I think we can all agree on that. Now then, enough with the depressive and let us talk about the good shall we? Like where on earth are we going to eat?” A smile curved his eye as he looked to the two women. Laughter burst from them as they shook their heads.

“Anywhere is fine with me, just so long as it’s someone else’s turn to pay.” Kurenai joked.
“Deal. Fubari! Come on, time to go!” Hearing his father, the silver haired boy made his way over where the dark haired little girl had plopped down to play with a flower. Taking one small chubby hand in his and hefted her up. Diligently, he made his way with her towards their parents one slow step at a time until they reached them. Handing her off to her mother, he slipped over to smile up at his father.

“Ready Daddy.”

“I think we all are.” Roraku smiled at him, hefting her daughter up onto her hip. Nodding to her, Fubari shyly glanced at his dad before hesitantly opening his arms in a silent question. Watching closely, the blonde woman smiled as the man she once knew to never do such a thing lifted the small boy up into his arms and returned the hug. Winking at the older man with a smirk, she made her way to stand by Kurenai as the woman held her son’s hand.

“He says he wants barbeque, is that alright or do we need to all agree?” The red eyed woman asked.

“That’s fine, I actually have been wanting to stop and get some.” She replied, kissing the warm cheek as Mayuri rested her head on her shoulder. “Though I’m not too sure how long she is going to keep her eyes open.” Soft laughter escaped from both women as Kakashi wandered over.

“Ready when the both of you are.”

Stepping forward, Roraku started down the road as Mayuri giggled and wriggled in her arms; pulling faces and trying to play with Fubari over her mother’s shoulder. Shaking her head, she shared a rather knowing look with the other women as they walked. “How soon do you think I can start to teach her how to learn…things?” A lack of proper word hit Roraku as she looked down at her daughter.

“Shinobi training? I started teaching him at two, so give her about a year. Granted, Kakashi naturally was teaching his son at her age but each child is different. Why not ask Iruka to help you?”

“I’ll wait; she has her whole life ahead of her to learn. I think I’m going to let her be a child for just a little longer.” A hummed response was all she was given as they made their way down the streets of the village. People smiled at them, others waved as the trio passed; no one was a stranger to anyone in their village. Reaching their destination and making their way in, they settled in for a long and relaxing meal. Time slipped by easily as they laughed and talked; trying to keep their kids from getting to be too big of messes as they sat there. Once, Fubari tried to feed Mayuri a bit off of his own plate but the little girl was more interested in playing with it than eating it.

Finally, they called it a night and gathered up their kids. Bidding each other farewell, they went their separate ways into the gathering dusk. Carrying the dozing child on her back, Roraku wandered down the long road towards their home. Humming a small, soft lullaby she tried to keep her mind off of the sorrow that had been rising within her ever since her outburst at the park. She had only felt brave then as she faced the two older and wiser shinobi, but now that she was alone the façade slipped off and she bit her lip so hard it almost bled. Turning onto the well-worn and well-remembered path she stopped dead in her tracks. Lights burned brightly in the lower part of the house and she clearly remembered having shut them all off. Tensing, she argued with herself about moving forwards or turning around and seeking help. Picking a battle while her daughter was next to her could be suicidal; but on the other hand most of her friends had a tendency to show up at random and make her house their home. Gathering herself, she took a deep breath and moved forward.

The stairs creaked when weight was applied to them, groaning out a warning. Before one pale hand could touch the doorknob, it was turned and the mass of wood was being opened.Blinking in the sudden burst of light, it took her a moment to realize who was standing in the doorway.

Long, raven colored traces framed a pale, angular face. Eyes the color of the blackest night locked with her emerald gaze as a soft mouth hung open slightly in shock as the two lovers saw each other for the first time in over a year. Shaking, she almost lunged forward to take him in her arms; only the stirring weight on her back kept her from doing so. Was this really her Itachi? Or an enemy shinobi posing as him? Body trembling, she felt tears well up in her eyes as he finally spoke.

“Roraku? Is…is that…” His throat constricted as his own tears filled his eyes.

“Itachi?” She couldn’t move, couldn’t think; could only stare.

Wordlessly he moved forward until his hand brushed her cheek; wiping away the tears that were soaking it. A sob tore her throat as she leaned into his touch. From behind her, Mayuri suddenly let out a whimper and tightened her hold around her mother’s neck.
Breaking from her trance, the woman stepped back and shifted to let her down. “It’s ok, I promise.” She soothed, stroking one cheek as the tired little girl swayed on her feet, looking up at the unfamiliar man. “Mayuri this is your daddy.” The words almost seemed like she spoke them in a trance. “You don’t have to be scared of him.” Blinking owlishly up at the words, Mayuri clung tighter to her briefly before taking a step forward and looking him over. Kneeling down, Itachi couldn’t control the tears that spilled down his own cheeks as he opened his arms.

“Hello Mayuri, it’s good to finally meet you.” He breathed, trying to smile. Walking forward, the little girl hugged the man she had only ever seen in pictures. Tears were rapidly pouring down Roraku’s face as she fell to her knees and let him wrap them both in his arms. Her hands groped for purchase on him to be sure he was real; that it wasn’t all just a dream. For a while they only sat there; arms holding each other and their daughter between them. Each feared it to be a lie and movement would crack the frail image. It took

Mayuri shifting and yawning before they broke apart with identical smiles down at her. Curling up in his lap, she was falling asleep quickly and he lifted her into his arms. She didn’t stir at all as he rose to his feet with his wife and they made their way towards her room.

Reaching it, Roraku remained leaning on the doorway. This was a sight that she had yearned to see for a year. Once the small body was lying warm and safe in her bed, the two adults made their way back down to the living room. The clock ticked on heedless of the atmosphere while emerald eyes bore into chips of moonless night. As she opened her mouth to speak, one pale hand was held up.

“I know what you are going to say Roraku, and before you do I am deeply sorry. I didn’t want to be gone so long however things came up and I wasn’t able to just walk away from the mission. One of our own was taken as a hostage and we were chosen to keep in place and perform the rescue. It took a lot longer than we had planned and soon we were deep in their territory and had to watch our every move. The whole time that I was gone I wanted to be home with you. I knew that you were close and that our child would need me as well as you;
that you would need me here to help. But I wasn’t able to walk away from it all. It would have caused us deep problems and caused others to think I was once more a deserter. We can’t afford that anymore; not with a family starting and not with you and I just finally settling in. I managed to talk to the Hokage and I am free; he let me go. I am no longer a shibobi of Konoha; I am a citizen who is allowed to raise his children. Please Roraku; don’t pin this all on me. You of all people should know that my  heart was always here and my mind was always turning to you when it could. Mayuri already wants to get to know me but I will understand if you want to freeze me out until you…” He wasn’t allowed to finish. Tears once more were following older tracks down her cheeks as she flung her arms around him.

Powerful arms wrapped around her and held her close; one hand reaching up to stroke her soft locks as he whispered soft words of comfort in her ear. Body shaking with sobs all she could do was silently thank the gods above for finally letting her have her other half home safe. His words had her over joyed and she knew once she calmed down that she was going to be able to express it to him. Clinging to him, it took her a while before she was calm enough to look up to meet his gaze before finally kissing him. That simple motion had joy shooting through the two of them and he pulled her closer; deepening it to show her just all that words couldn’t express. When they broke apart she placed a hand on his cheek.
“I’m more than happy to have you back here with me. But most of all Itachi; I am happy that you finally have but down the headband and the call of duty to be where you have really been needed. I’ve missed you so much, and she has been so curious about you. Now that you’re here, I think we can finally manage to get our life on track and in motion.” Kissing him once more, she let him hold her and something deep inside of her whispered of how right it truly was. No matter what came to pass after that she knew that she would be able to forgive him and they would be able to face it together one step at a time. Stepping back she took his hand to lead him to the living room.

The time for long explanations would come tomorrow with the rising of the sun; but at that moment all she wanted to do was start to fill him in on the year he had missed and deserved to hear about. Their daughter was something that shouldn’t have to wait any longer than the poor girl already had. Taking their seats, she ended up ignoring the cushions for his lap; head on his shoulder as his arms wrapped around her and held her close. Locking gazes once more; sharing words of unspoken love before the young woman took a deep breath and began to tell her tale.